I'm not quite sure how to word this, so I'm simply going to say that this has felt like one of the hardest weeks so far that I've had in the mission. Perhaps it's because of my companion, perhaps it's because of the self-changes I've been making to be more obedient, and in-lineage with the will of God, and not my own, as my companion states. I can't lie to you guys and say that I've been 100% obedient on my mission, but I obviously haven't been doing anything ridiculous, either. I just feel like I'm losing my sense of being/character from how much "exact obedience" my companion is putting me through. I get that he's trying to pull out all the stops, in order for this branch to start progressing, and get to where it needed to be heck knows how long ago. However, I wish he could do it in a manner less... Hurtful towards me, and more charitable. He slams on my companions for being with me, and I can't help but think if I'm even supposed to be in the mission, anymore (let alone, with him). My sleep patterns are starting to tilt, and I'm pretty sure I've been gaining weight from all of the rice that the members give us to eat. I extremely hate to sound sacreligious and like a hypocrite, but I can't help but feel... Forsaken. Obviously, I'm seeing some of the fruits of being so "obedient", such as the 115 attendance we had in Church last Sunday. The members say that there hasn't been an attendance that high in 10 YEARS. But, if the price is feeling as miserable, and sick, and forsaken as I do in order to bring these people the salvation that they've lacked for a long time, then I really don't know if that's the price that I'm willing to pay. Despite the faith that I have in my heart that Elder Palma and I can work miracles as a companionship here in Balzar, I don't know how much longer I can take being here, with all the changes that have been going on, before my brain cracks like an egg. I'm extremely sorry for sounding like all I'm doing for this week's blog entry is complaining about my companion, but it's when this starts to take a toll on my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health that I ought to speak up. I love you guys a lot, I've been missing you now more than ever, and (I'm admitting to you now) it wouldn't surprise me if for the first time out of four, I cry during our last Skype Call this upcoming Mother's Day. Until next week, I want to thank everyone for the prayers, love, and support, because I don't believe I would've made it this far if it weren't for everyone. Take care!!!
Con Sinceridad y Amor,
Elder Conner Duane Parke